June 2011
4 posts
2 tags
100% Real.
thoseways:
I’ve been a tad MIA this weekend. It was just really busy.
My boyfriend moved into his new apartment with his older sister this weekend. I went over there last night to check it out and watch the Mavs kick ass. I had it set in my mind that I’d talk to him about whether he sees me with him when he envisions his future, but I chickened out because we were having a good time. My...
2 tags
Tired Of Hiding.
thoseways:
I’ve decided that a couple months after I move out, maybe august or september, I’m going to tell my mother that I’m dating my boyfriend. I have it all planned out in my mind.
Mom, I just want to let you know, because you should know, that I’m dating T. You knew that I would once I moved out and wasn’t under you hand anymore, I would most likely choose to be with him. If you can’t...
2 tags
Positivity.
thoseways:
I honestly believe that once you decide that you want and are going to be happy, it’ll happen. If you wake up every morning and believe that you will live this day to the fullest, you will. I mean, having a bad day is fine. Being in a bad situation is also fine. However, if you just look at everything under a negative light, everything will always seem and be negative for you.
...
Gone, But Not Forgotten.
I’m not going to be posting in this blog a lot anymore. My new blog, thoseways, is where I have decided to put everything. But I’m going to keep this blog activated because it holds a lot of memories, thoughts, lessons and experiences.
I love this blog, but I’ll most likely just be reblogging the personal posts from thoseways.
May 2011
13 posts
2 tags
I Have Decided.
thoseways:
I have decided to not become a victim of my circumstances and negative experiences. There is a reason that I have been put into certain situations and I shouldn’t dwell on the bad things. I have decided to focus more on what I can do for myself rather than what others haven’t done for me. I have decided to focus on what I have rather than get upset about what I don’t have. There’s...
2 tags
ATTN: Greater Toronto Area
thoseways:
I’m free all day tomorrow for anyone who is interested in booking a shoot with me.* I can fit three shoots into the day.
I’m charging only $60 per shoot**, this does not include a makeup artist. Email me at: martikagregory@gmail.com if you’d like to book one, or message me in my ask box.
*The location of the shoot can be up to you, however it cannot be in a studio. **A deposit...
2 tags
Proclaimation.
thoseways:
Want to know how I know I love you as much as I proclaim? When you call from a different phone other than your own, and I pick up not knowing it’s you and I hear your voice and I can feel my heart flutter and bounce around in my chest. It’s as if all the butterflies from my stomach flew to my chest and gave my heart wings, all because I heard your voice.
2 tags
Departures.
thoseways:
There comes a time when you realize that certain people show up in your life for a reason and certain people leave you life for a reason. The ones that leave your life served their purpose. They taught you something, whether you acknowledge it now or in the future; whether it was a small lesson or a huge, life-altering lesson, they did.
This is how I am trying to view people’s...
- part two
I’m just really overwhelmed. I feel like I can’t breathe. Too many things have transpired within a small period of time. I’m sitting at work, trying to keep it together and it’s proving to be difficult. Too many feelings, too many conversations, too many people.
I need an escape.
-
My boyfriend and I are both going through an overwhelming time in our individual personal lives. We’re both in a depressive state, I think. Our issues are different, but we feel the same..
And that’s all I can write without tearing up. Apologies, maybe later.
1 tag
HBD.
Today is my father’s birthday. I’m not calling him though because he failed to call me for mine. We haven’t talked since our big fight in September or October. Anyways, I wouldn’t be able to call him if I wanted to. I deleted all his contact info the day after my birthday.
Happy Birthday…Dad.
Insecurities.
Just like anyone else, I have some insecurities. Surprise. However, I choose to ignore one particular one because I get told I’m stupid for having this insecurity. I don’t tell anyone about it. Only three of my friends know, and now my boyfriend knows. I wasn’t planning on telling my boyfriend because I didn’t want him to think I lacked self-confidence, because I...
Ours.
My future roommate, Chanel, and I went house hunting for the millionth time today. We saw four places in total and loved two of them, so we filled out applications for them. When I got home, I got a call from one of the places we loved and they told me that they want to rent their apartment to us! I’m so excited!
The apartment is in a basement of a cute house in downtown Toronto. The...
Suck It Up.
I feel like my relationship with my mother won’t get better in the way and at the pace she wants it to. She’s too concerned about how my stepfather feels about everything to show that she cares about how I feel. I can’t even count how many times we argue about my stepdad. For example, she told me that he feels left out from this whole me moving out process and she told me that...
Worth It.
The most difficult thing about having a secret relationship is not being able to physically be beside that person whenever you want to. Whenever I want to see my boyfriend, it has to be planned. We rarely have spontaneous chill sessions. It’s especially difficult when either of us are having an emotionally hard night and all we want to do is be beside each other, and we can’t. ...
April 2011
18 posts
The House.
One of my future roommates, my Mum and I went to go see the house today and we absolutely fell in love with it. It’s a really old house by Chanel, my roomie, and I think it has so much character. The area is awesome too and the house is right across the street from the subway station, which is so convenient for all of us. Because we loved it so much, we gave in our rental applications and...
Unhealthy Thoughts.
I realized that I take forever to verbally express how I am feeling because I fear that how I feel will make someone angry or hurt. I’m used to getting in trouble for how I feel, or not having my feelings acknowledged. So I take so long to finally say what I feel.
I feel bad because my boyfriend is so good to me and yet I find that I’m always trying to find reasons for him to leave...
Thursday.
Things are looking up. My future roommates and I are seeing a house to rent on thursday (downtown), which is in the exact area that we want to live. It’s a pretty good price, and from the pictures it looks like the bedrooms are pretty spacious. Being a photographer, I instantly think of what my bedroom would look like in a photo; if I’d use it as a space for photo shoots as well. I...
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a...”
– Anaïs Nin
rhymewithreason:
drawing for a friend.
♥Brian, thank you.
Pinpoint.
Is it normal to feel like shit after certain therapy sessions? I find myself feeling overwhelmed and thinking way too much. I just feel like I’m feeling too much at once right now, so much so that I don’t how to feel. I’m trying to pinpoint it so that I can write it down, but it’s just not coming together right now.
Sometimes I just want to stop feeling and thinking...
1 tag
He Said.
“Mama, have I told you how beautiful you are? If not, I’m telling you now, you’re soooooo fucking BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I was looking through your pictures on my phone and I thought to myself ‘this girl is just beautiful’,”
He said. God, he makes me smile.
Paint And Canvas.
My mother and I discovered that my nine year old sister is an amazing visual artist. She can look at a picture of, for example, Tinkerbell and draw it.
I’m so proud. My sister is generally artsy; she takes piano lessons and is doing really well with it. But this drawing thing is really exciting. It makes me think of what she’d do with paint and a canvas. I think that’s...
Private.
I’ve decided not to publish the post about 2004 for everyone to see. I made it a private post. There are 400 people following this blog, and I’m not sure if I want 400 people to know.
So I’ve decided to keep it private. However, I still made the step to write about it. I had never done that before. For the first time in seven years, I wrote about it. But I won’t...
Todays advice..
ambath:
Sometimes you have to do what is right for you and to the blazes with what everyone thinks. This could be one of those times. You may be feeling apathetic and self-indulgent today - and go with it for a change. You are entitled to take a break now and then.
In Your Atmosphere || John Mayer
2004.
I finally told my boyfriend about the thing that happened to me in 2004. I felt that we’ve been dating for long enough now and he has a right to know. It also kind of further explains my trust issues, especially with men. He reacted exactly how I thought he would; it made him angry. Not at me, but at what happened to me. He told me that he can see that it still haunts me sometimes and...
Super Excited.
I finally told my parents about my moving out plans (now that I have a concrete financial plan). They took it pretty well, considering their first-born is leaving the nest. They gave me the whole “we don’t think it’s necessary for you to move out” speech, but they saw that I’m prepared mentally and financially to do so, so they’re alright with it.
I’m...
No Other Love ft. Estelle || John Legend
A Plan.
So I got myself a second job at a financial planning company, which is awesome. they pay really well after training is over. Naturally, I’m pretty excited. This is going to be extremely helpful for this whole moving out and going back to school venture. I won’t have to take out any student loans; I never have up to this point, so why start now, right? Anyways, the hours at the new...
Coming Out.
I’ve been very creatively motivated over the past week or so. Something’s come over me and I’ve been pushing myself to create and do more. It only makes sense right? In order for me to be successful with my photography (etc.), I have to keep working at it and growing and learning. That’s the only way I will be recognized for what I do.
So therefore, I’m coming...
3 tags
My official photography website →
theways:
An anon asked me for the link to my website that I’ve been working on and I said it would be up in a couple days. But I decided to finish it today and let the world see it.
So here it is, finally.
March 2011
28 posts
I said.
“Having a man in my life is not the only source of happiness for me and it never has been that way. I’m not my mother and I don’t want to be like her. I know that I have to make myself happy and I’ve been trying to do so. A man will always hurt you, intentionally or not…and you’ll be affected by that, whether the man is your only source of happiness or not....
2 tags
All I want is..
theways:
My boyfriend, his kisses, being in his arms, in his bed, with my head on his chest, falling asleep to the sound of him breathing and his heart beating. That’s all I want right now.
“Just an insecure woman chasing after a man who has already got a woman. But your...”
– Thea Monyee || Woman To Woman (via theways)
Look Forward To.
So this whole therapy thing has been helping. It’s nice to talk to someone who is totally unbiased about my issues. The woman I talk to seems really cool and seems like she’s actually listening and not just simply hearing me.
Things are kind of on a steady path for the most part. There haven’t been any major or dramatic flare ups with any of my issues. That’s kind of...
“Until you heal your past, you will continue to bleed.”
– Iyanla Vanzant (via theways)
3 tags
Small & Positive.
Things are quiet. I’ve been taking it upon myself to make some improvements in my life; nothing earth shattering right now, but little things to make my happy. Simple things. I believe that simple things are so important.
So I’ve been going for walks, sometimes on my own, sometimes with others. I’ve been writing lyrics, visiting my grandparents, going for coffee with...
2 tags
Love of my life.
“I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I build my life around you.
But...”
– Stevie Nicks || Landslide (via theways)
Redundancy.
I’ve been feeling numb and restless over the past couple of days. I’m feeling…like…things aren’t how they should be, in my mind, but they are the way they are and right now, I can’t change that. It sucks to me, but really, what am I to do right now. My parents are acting like nothing ever happened and that’s because they essentially got what they want...
2 tags
